Too weak to give in, too strong to lose
by At the writer's block
Summary: It's been years since Slade was in Jump City, and now he meets Terra, who had spent years of feeling and being alone. They talk about how much has changed. Post Things Change, with light Slade/Terra. Oneshot. I hesitated to label this hurt/comfort, but I


**Title**: I was too weak to give in, too strong to lose

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Teen Titans

**Pairings:** Slade/Terra

**Other Notes:** This took me forever to write. I'm mildly happy with this, and at the same time, I hate it.

* * *

I haven't been in Jump City in years. After I helped the Titans (I'm not ashamed to admit it) I got out of there for a year, then returned to try to find out what had happened to Terra. It hadn't occurred to me for a while, but there had always been the possibility that Terra had been freed when the other citizens had as well.

She wasn't there. I sent a robot out to look for her, which had met one of the Titans, that green teenager Terra was so fond of. He didn't know where she was either. I let it go. If she had settled into a new life, I wasn't about to stop her; I had more important things to worry about.

I left the US again, trying to find out about past associates I hadn't heard from since before I first went to Jump City. There weren't that many people left alive,  
and many more in hiding. It wasn't worth my time.

So I came back. It was almost sad that I was so bored that I'd rather be here, wandering through the park. Or it was, until I saw the woman sitting on a bench. It was unmistakably Terra, her long blonde was hair hanging loose in her eyes, gripping her elbows the way she used to when she was upset or tired. She'd almost look out of place here, if anyone knew who she was, but I'm sure almost no one remembers her.

"Terra?" Her head shot up, and when she saw me, she almost bolted. "It's okay, I'm not going to do anything."

"Why should I trust you?" she asked, still edging away.

"You can't." She stood up, but her shoulders were slumped. She already looked defeated.

"What do you want?"

"Nothing." Everything. Why was she here, like this? "I didn't know you were here, in the city."

"So leave me alone." There was no conviction in her voice. _"What do you want?"_

"I just want to know how you got out."

"Same way you did, now-"

"No, it wasn't the same. I left almost a year before you, which is why I want to know what happened to you."

She kept her head down as she said, "Too much happened."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

She didn't have to ask what I meant. I got closer to her, and we walked side by side, walked and talked, mostly her, about the past few years. She talked about everything she went through; the foster family that put her through school for a while, until the night she had a nightmare and caused an earthquake. After that, she ran away, and tried to live on her own.

She wasn't doing so well.

At one point, she did look up at me, and I saw a spark of something. She looked away quickly, but when I turned her face back to mine, I saw the gold shimmering in her eyes. She almost started to cry, but she looked down and let her hair fall in front of her face, hiding her eyes. "I can't keep it controlled as well anymore. It's always waiting now," she said quietly

"Waiting for what?"

"Waiting for me to give up."

I didn't say anything, and neither did she. We kept walking; she was looking all around, taking in every person or animal or snowflake that drifts into the park. I was just keeping my eyes on the gravel.

"What the hell." I looked up at her, and then followed her line of vision. Three men are working together to hang decorations from the nearest lamppost. More are stringing lights around trees, and still more are stringing clothesline between two flagpoles, over the path directly in front of us. "I thought it was another week 'til Christmas."

"They're running late, then?"

"No, it's always up late. About three days beforehand, I don't know why they wait so long."

We passed the poles, and watched the men string ornaments and mistletoe down the clothesline. "I never understood the mistletoe tradition," she said, still looking up. Then she laughed quietly, and added "One year, Beast Boy tried to trick me into standing under the mistletoe with him."

"Really?"

"Yeah, but I just kind of pretended I didn't know what he was doing and ran off." She smiled, a real smile, for the first time all night. After a moment, she said, "I'm going to say something, but you can't laugh at me."

"Fine." I already knew what she would say.

"I didn't let him kiss me because I was thinking of you." She said it all in a rush, but she looked relieved to say it.

"Of what I'd say?"

"Something like-" Her body jerked, cutting herself off. The ground shook beneath us, toppling the ladders the workers were still standing on. "Damn," she said, trying to cover up her terrified expression, "I have to go."

"What was that?" I asked, following her as she began to walk away.

"Nothing, I just shouldn't be talking to you."

"Why not?"

"Because I-because I shouldn't." She stopped walking and lowered her voice. "I just shouldn't be talking to you about all of that. It makes it worse."

"Makes what worse?"

"My...problem." She began to lower her head again, but I gently pushed her face up so that she was facing me again. "Please, just don't..."

"I can help you, Terra."

"You're making it worse." She still wasn't looking at me...

"How?"

Her eyes locked on mine, and the gold began to shimmer brighter than before. She squeezed her eyelids together and bit down on her lip. The ground rumbled and shook again, causing her to fall against me.

"Terra, there's nothing wrong with feeling that way, but if you just keep it bottled up, you're going to hurt yourself."

"I can't-I'll just hurt everyone-" She cut herself off with a cry of pain, and her legs buckled. By now, I had to hold her up, and people began to scream and run in fear. "Just make it stop!" she screamed, and began to cry.

"Terra, how do you know what will happen?" I yelled over the noise, but she had buried her face in my chest. "Terra, look at me!"

She turned her face up slowly, her eyes shining gold and shimmering slightly with tears. "Help me, just make it stop."

I pulled her closer, tilted my head and hers. Our lips barely touched. The rumbling quieted.

Terra turned her face away and breathed slowly, before looking back up at me, lips parted slightly. Before I could say anything, she pulled me back, kissing me deeper than before.

The ground stopped moving. The rumbling stopped.

Terra pulled away from me, and slowly raised a trembling hand to her lips. "I can't believe I did that..." she mumbled. She looked up at me with clear blue eyes, and blushed. "Sorry."

"Don't apologize. Do you feel better?"

"Well yes, but...That was intense."

"Really?" I asked, half amused.

"You have no idea..." she trailed off, looking at the ground. "I feel so much better now."

I nodded, even though she wasn't looking at me. I reached up and brushed some of the snow out of her hair, and she didn't move away. She turned back to me, and must have realized she still had one hand gripping my elbow, which she quickly pulled away.

"What do we do now?" she asked quietly, meeting my eye again. I couldn't believe how blue her eyes looked now.

"We can keep walking," I suggested, "We still have a lot to talk about." She nodded in agreement, and took my hand as we walked out of the now vacant park.

* * *

I don't know why, but I've always felt that Terra's powers were something like Raven's; it all depends on what mood she's in. So if Terra tried to ignore all of her feelings (missing the Titans, Slade, etc) then it would all just build up. That idea led to this story, so...there.


End file.
